So drunk its hurt
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
