Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I believe in your delicious
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
