Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize