I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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