after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize