did you get engaged???
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
