im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize