I could make wine with my vomit
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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