So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
