My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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