What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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