Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
