I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
