You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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