my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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