Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
