I think I am morally bankrupt
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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