i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
