great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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