it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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