And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
