Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
