I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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