i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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