She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
