you traded sex for a burrito?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
