I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
