My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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