What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
