No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
