literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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