i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
two words...techno handjob
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
