i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
