thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
