BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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