I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
