Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
