Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
