I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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