Sober January is a disaster.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
