I cockslap morals
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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