I am puke
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
