Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
