like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
