also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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