I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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