it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
