one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
