do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
