Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize