He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
