Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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