Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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