I heard we made out
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Im just a social blackout drinker.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
