just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
