You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
