I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize