Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
