The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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