didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
