I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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