Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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