the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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