Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
