I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
