Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
