Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize