just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
