google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
