you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize