:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
