he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
