I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
