woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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