i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Someone shattered a urinal.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
