OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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