It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize