you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize