Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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