If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You've changed since you got that strap on
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
