You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize