Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
