Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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