We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
