oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
ttyl tear gas
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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