Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
