fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize