Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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