I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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